On Friday afternoon Sophie went to meet her teacher and see her kindergarten classroom. For the past few months people have been asking me if I'm ready for her to start kindergarten. I thought the answer was, "yes". Even this morning as we got ready to go up to the school I thought I was ready for this. We've had A LOT of together time this summer. It's time for school and routine. She is so ready. I was so ready. Then we walked into the school swarming with students and parents and we walked into the classroom with colorful little tables and scared little faces and I had to take a few deep breaths to calm the panic rising in me. All of a sudden I wasn't ready. I wanted to grab her and run. I wanted to tell the teacher that she just turned 5 and I just decided to hold her back a year. We'll try it again next year. I even thought I could try my hand at homeschooling. After all, I paid good money to get that Master's in education. Why in the world would I hand her over to someone else to teach? I really didn't want to be there. Then I looked at Sophie. She had excitement shining all over her face. She looked confident and ready to take on kindergarten. I realized yes, it is time. This is right and this is good and this is where she needs to be. I don't normally look back to when my kids were younger, but today I really want to go back. I want to go back to when we would sit on the floor for hours and play or she and Taylor would build a block tower taller than her head. I want to go back to when I was in control of her schedule, her learning, her friends. I'm just not as ready for this as I thought. And yet I realize I don't have a choice about her growing up and I just have to trust the One who knit her together so perfectly and has watched every second of her life. Once we got in the car Sophie asked me if the teachers picked which kids they got in their classes. I explained to her that the principals were the ones who divided the children up. Then I told her that I had been praying for her teacher all summer and that God would put her where He wanted her. I told her that God had chosen Mrs. Hernandez for her teacher and had put her with all of the other boys and girls in her class. Then I almost lost it as I realized the truth of what I was telling her and I found some peace. So I may hold her a little closer this weekend and play a few more games with her, but on Monday morning I will walk her to her classroom and let go of her little hand as she enters this new chapter. I'll walk away knowing that the One who loves her most remains with her all day long and this is His plan for her.
