Bittersweet Thoughts

Today is definitely a very sweet day for our family. 4 years ago today our sweet baby girl was born. Sophie has been a joy to our family since that day. However, July 8 is also a painful day. 3 years ago today I lost my sweet friend Kim. I still remember exactly what I was doing when the call came. I was cleaning my house, getting ready for family to come for Sophie's 1st birthday. It was the kind of news that literally takes your legs out from under you. There are those people in your life that wedge themselves so deeply into your heart that when they are gone there is an empty space that always hurts. Kim was that kind of friend. Anyone who knew her will understand how hard it is to describe her. She was beautiful, confident, full of life, and FUN. If you were going somewhere with Kim, you knew you were going to have fun. She was bold and not afraid to witness to anyone. She was a great mother and wife. She made you feel important no matter what was going on in her life. Kim was about 10 years older than me and worked with our college group. Now that I am a wife and a mother I am amazed at how selfless she was. No matter when I dropped by or called she had time for me. When we moved to Waco and I started teaching I would often come home to a message from Kim on my answering machine. She would say she was out running errands and just wanted me to know she was thinking of me. I loved Kim Evans. Even now, 3 years later, I still can't make sense of her death. Some people will tell you everything happens for a reason. I think some things just happen. I'm not saying God can't work good out of tragedy, but the tragedy itself is still not good and no reason can be found in it. Kim should still be with her beautiful family. When we were in Memphis we were having dinner with some of our friends who had lost one of their twins hours after it was born. They had also had a miscarriage prior to that. They now have 2 children and we were talking about how many children they want. My friend said, "I always thought I wanted 4, and we DID have 4. I should still have 4 and that just ticks me off." What an honest expression of grief. Some things that happen are not for the best and they don't make sense. Kim's death is one of those things. It hits me when I can't sleep in the middle of the night and there is little peace to be found. For some reason, we can't have the joy of loving someone without the possibility of the pain of losing them. This world is such a strange combination of the joy and pain, just like this day for me. I just pray that the joy outweighs the pain until we are truly home where Kim is and there is no more pain and death. I had to get these thoughts out. I'll write about Sophie and her special day tonight when all our birthday activities are over.