Nostalgia

My friend and I are having a garage sale tomorrow and Saturday. To get ready, I spent the day in our garage pricing things I desperately want out of my house. I should feel very relieved to have all of that stuff out, but instead I feel a little depressed. I even shed a few tears today as I priced old toys and clothes. When I put 10 cents on Sophie's old Eeyore rattle I could see her chubby little hands reaching for it when I would shake it over her before she could even sit up. That was her favorite rattle. I really cried when I put a sticker on her nursery rhyme step stool that held her door open in her nursery. She used to sit on it and read books and we used it to help her get up into her first big girl bed in Marlin. Then there were the preemie outfits John Curtis wore in his first little weeks of life. I can't believe my big boy was ever that small. So many of their outfits I could remember instances and special places where they wore them. One I remember Sophie wearing when Uncle Erick took her to the Waco Zoo, another John Curtis wore his first Christmas morning. There are silly stories that I don't even know why I remember. One warm outfit Sophie wore up to the church to eat pizza and watch a movie with the youth. I was so mad at Taylor because he let her eat 4 pieces of pizza and she had a stomach ache. Why do I remember what she had on that night??? I was even a little sad to see the Arthur that Sophie peed on when we were potty training go (I won't tell whoever buys it that story). I'm even selling 2 dresses that I bought my first year of teaching (8 years ago). I remember Taylor helped me pick them out at Dillard's and we used credit from our wedding. These were happy memories, but why was I so sad? I've never liked change and garage sales are all about change. Things are different - styles, kids ages, what they play with - so we don't need the old stuff anymore. We have new stuff. But when the old stuff leaves it is usually because a chapter in our life is over. I don't need tiny clothes anymore because my baby is big. Sophie is no longer delighted by rattles, and I have no need of outdated teacher dresses. It almost puts me in a panic and makes me want to freeze time to keep things from changing. But how much I would miss! My baby girl that used to be delighted in a rattle is still delighted with life. She loves the moon, is obsessed with flowers, and can get into her bed without a step stool. My baby boy is healthy and growing and having so much fun. We just laugh watching him. This is all such a gift. So I'll try not to panic tomorrow when some stranger carries the tangible things in my memories away. I'll try to be thankful for the gift of now, even if a few tears fall.