Ponderings on Turning 30

Today is my 30th birthday. Taylor is taking me to San Antonio without the kids and I am so excited. I must really need to get away because Sophie told me last night, "You're not a woman! You're a Momma!" A friend asked me the other day how it feels to be 30 and I've been thinking about that. I really think it feels great. This is a good time in my life. I've been reflecting some and asking my 20 year old self if this is where I pictured my 30 year old self being. The answer is yes and no. I wanted to be a wife and a mom. Of course you never know what that is like until you are one and I did think my house would be a lot cleaner and I would be more together and organized:) I was going to be Supermom! Reality has set in and I am content with just trying to be a good mom. So while I pictured myself as a wife and mom I never thought we would be living in a middle class neighborhood pastoring a predominately white, affluent church. My 20 year old self would tell my 30 year old self that we sold out. Maybe my 20 year old self is right, but life isn't as black and white now as it was at 20. We've done our best to follow God's leading and feel (hope) that we are where He wants us. Perhaps more important than WHERE I am is WHO I am. What I am most thankful for is that I am God's child and his grace will never let me go (even if I do sell out!) As great as my life is, I know that the best is yet to come! I was in the van (another thing 20 year old Alyson didn't think she'd have) the other day listening to a song by Nicole Nordeman that pretty much sums up my feelings.

I Am
Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win, You watched my team lose
You watched when my bicycle went down again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call you by name
And I said, "Elbow healer, superhero, come if you can."
And You said, "I am."

Only 16, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10 PM?
You saw my mistakes, you watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again
When I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said, "Heartache healer, secret keeper, be my best friend."
And You said, "I am."

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said forever to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it's 2 AM
When I am weak, unable to speak
Still I will call you by name
"Shepherd, Savior, pasture maker, hold on to my hand."
You say, "I am."

The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us
Still we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer

When life had begun I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call you by name
"Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and the End
I Am, Yes I Am.